Dear Tyrese....

I wrote this piece after I seen a post degrading women. this post made me upset and frustrated and this was the result. I am a feminist because I am a believer of equal rights, and I want the double standards to end. I love being a woman (minus the periods lol) and I will always advocate and voice my opinions for the rights of women. be loud and passionate ladies, do not let anyone try and dim your light.

Dear Tyrese and men alike,

Shut the fuck up.

I could just leave it at that. But I feel like expressing myself, I hope that's not TOO unwomanly of me. I hope that it's not too un-classy of me. I hope that it isn't making me an "unreal" woman. I hope that this isn't too aggressive. I wouldn't want this letter to take away my femininity. Gosh. What ever would I do?

A real woman.

What is a real woman?

And why does someone like Tyrese feel like he can define us?

Why are women constantly being defined, molded, put-to-gether like le-go, piece by piece, by men?

Here is another voice, a popular, powerful voice (due to his fame and following) who feels like HE can define a real woman. A real woman is apparently passive aka controllable, natural aka "as God made her", classy aka covered up, feminine aka not aggressive?

This train of thought, contributes to the ongoing ways in which men get to decide the fate of women. How Governments, Presidents, Prime Ministers, Powerful Men, control the body of women. The "Justice" system punishing the victims of rape/sexual assaults, by blaming them and allowing the rapist to continue to live amongst them.

"He was drunk, how can he no what he's doing?"

"She was drunk, but she still knew what she was doing."

The mind set of so many.

Continuing to punish women for the acts of men.

Some may say, Teya, you are thinking too much into it, you are overreaching, you are over exaggerating. But why do you think Tyrese feels like he can define a real woman? Maybe it's because he was born into a world where that is what powerful men do. And continue to do. Repeatedly, forcibly, constantly, until women are beaten down to know their place. To know just where they stand, oh they allow us to stand but not TOO tall. they allow us to speak but not TOO loud because that is not what a woman does. If women do speak their mind, they are considered angry. And hey, maybe some of us are. Wouldn’t you be too? If you had to try and fail to regain power of your identity? If you had to constantly explain why you are important? If you had to explain why you matter? If you had to prove your worth? You would think someone like Tyrese (a black man) would understand why that is frustrating.

Recently there was The Women's March which brought together women who wanted to be heard. This was incredible and so inspiring. But also, sad, considering women still need to hold these types of rallies to explain why they matter….

But why doesn't Amber Roses Slut walk get that same recognition? Is it because she decided to define HERself as a slut? And people just couldn't be associated with that. How dare a woman celebrate her sexuality. How dare a woman take a word and celebrate it to bring an end to a stereotype that women are still living with today. That's just not woman-like. It's too aggressive and not classy. And that's what a real woman is. Passive and classy.

A real woman is natural. Per Tyrese. Here is a man literally hashtagging team natural. To what? Separate women? Into two categories, to make a group of women feel less as a woman. To create competition between women who have different lifestyles, opinions, and values? What exactly is his purpose in pronouncing a “team?”

What team do I fall under? Because sometimes I straighten my hair when I feel like it. I draw in my eyebrows so they are thicker and darker, I wear make up to hide my blemishes or pimples but also because I fucking love it. Sometimes I wear fake eyelashes. Sometimes I wear a padded bra. Sometimes I get twists or braid extensions. And I have definitely worn spanx. Does this mean I am not a real woman? Does this mean I am not “natural?”

To play devils advocate, yes there are women in the world who alter their bodies, get plastic surgery, and become addicted.

But Frankly I don't get why men give a shit. Why does a man get so upset about this that he makes a post to degrade women just because he simply doesn't approve? It is just another man exerting his male privilege and power. Why doesn't he shout at the system that has created a culture of pressure for women to conform to a certain beauty standard? Why doesn’t he focus on how he contributes to this pressure? Does he actually think that by degrading these women, by telling them they are not a real woman, is going to inspire them?

Also, why does he think that women do this all for men. Apparently, he thinks that men are Gods gift to earth and everything a woman does is to please their eye. Hey. It's not all about you. We are not trying to deceive you, men, by wearing weave or getting breast implants. Don't assume we think we are somehow fooling you by wearing make up and fake eyelashes.

We really don't give a shit.

Maybe, just maybe, we do it to please ourselves!!

*gasp*

I'll let that sink in for a minute.

Yes, you read it right. Maybe we do it to please ourselves!

Yes, we have a relationship with ourselves, yes we go to the store and say "I look great in this dress, I'm gunna buy this." And that whole exchange is about our own relationship with our own bodies. And has nothing to do with trying to "trick" men.

This is the same guy who said that if a girl dresses a certain way (short dresses and cleavage showing) it gives out an energy that encourages men to grope them. Literally excuses sexual assault/rape, literally victim blaming, and this is the guy who gets praised online from fans for speaking the "truth." They tell him to "preach," they like his posts, and agree with him. Failing to see or care, how truly sexist and condescending his "messages" are. This is a man who uses his following, to go on his misogynistic rants and devalue women. And people praise that.

And I'm tired of it. And I know that doesn’t really mean anything.

When someone like Tyrese is tired of something (for example, women who get plastic surgery) he can go on a rant and because he is famous and popular, it will hold weight. People will like it and share it and circulate his beliefs.

But me? I am just a woman who is not popular nor famous, my message may hold NO weight at all, but that will not stop me from speaking it. Does that make me too aggressive? Am I no longer a real woman? Does that take away my femininity?

There is NO definition for femininity. Femininity is not a real thing. It was designed to establish boundaries around who and what a woman can be. (This goes the same for masculine). We should never allow a man to decide what femininity is and should look like. We can be loud, aggressive, strong-willed, stubborn, opinionated, and proud. Why should men only be allowed to claim these attributes? We are human, we are multifaceted, layered, complex, we are not objects to be put together into submission. And No ,Tyrese (and men alike), we don't think your stupid because we are trying to “fool” you by wearing make up and hair extensions. If we think you are stupid it's because you feel like you can define a "real" woman.

Why does he feel like he is the token God, to give women advice on how to be in society? On how to attract men, on how to behave?

Tyrese (and men alike) why don't you go on a rant about the suppose men you say, go for these "unreal" women just to hit it and quit it? About the men who devalue women because they aren't staying in their teeny tiny lane that men have told them to stay on. Why not rant about the ways men use their privilege to continue to frame what a woman should look like? Why not rant about the men who are still making it so fucking hard for women to breathe in the same world as them? Can we just LIVE? Can we just be? Can we stop being compared, controlled, and contrasted next to men?

A real woman is a woman. Is every woman. Every single fucking woman walking this earth, every single human who defines and feels themselves to be a woman. A woman does what a woman does and wears what a woman does and speaks what a woman does and decides what a woman is in their own life. A woman is not what a man wants a woman to be. If that's all I can get across from all this, then so be it. So, I'll say it again just in case it was missed or already forgotten: A woman is NOT what a man wants a woman to be.

Written by: A real woman.

(03/20/17)