Hiya Monday, (Living)

I didn't post last week because I had spent the entire weekend working on a short story that had a deadline to complete. By the time Monday came around I was way too tired to write. I didn't even want to look at my laptop. I didn't write one single thing all week. I needed that break.

Now today, another Monday, I was feeling pressured all day to write something simply because I didn't post last week. But when I opened my laptop and started typing all that came out of me was some depressing sad shit. Everybody is already going through it, and I thought to myself: no one needs to read anymore depressing stuff. So, I decided I wasn't going to post today.

BUT then I thought about it more. This blog isn't meant to be a lie. It is meant to be me. It is meant to come from me, when I am at my highest. When I am at my most creative. But also when I am at my lowest. SHIT is hard as fuck right now. The news is spewing fear, the people are shaming and judging, and everyone is terrified, and sick, and tired. We don't have to suffer in silence, and we shouldn't.

This is it. This is what came from me when I started typing. This is how I am feeling today. Maybe next Monday I will be in a better, lighter mood and I will write something feel-goody. Something to lift the spirit, but who knows? All I know is today.

Living

They said it was hard

but they didn’t say it was like

a baby learning to walk

every single day.

They didn’t say dreams were clouds

and journeys were hurricanes

and that the sun was only a ruse.

They didn’t say giving up would be easy.

That a bed could eat me alive.

That I could crave darkness.

That it was more hide than seek.

That our worth was in wallets

and our kindness too.

They didn’t say survival was

building off what was left before you,

if something was left before you or else

it’s walking the tightrope unsupported.

Soft claps, no claps if you make it across.

Instead, they cold toss, hard toss

rocks of contempt

because

you should win in silence,

you should lose in silence,

you should exist in silence.

They said it would be hard

but they didn’t say that no one knows.

There are 100 billion opinions

distracting, misleading, deceiving

but no one really knows

how to be happy.

They don’t warn you

that happiness is short-lived:

the static of images in rewind mode.

Quick as a wink, the pause

in between the tick and the toc.

They don't warn you

that happiness is fragile or something

otherworldly like God.

Something invisible untraceable permeable.

Something subtle soft delicate flimsy.

Something as insoluble as peace.

Something as faulty as faith.

until next time,

with love,

Teya.